Thank God and Greyhounds They Are Gone...

Unfortunately, I missed House Resolution 101 of the Texas Legislature's 84th session. But, it is not too late to join the distinguished Representatives in celebrating Tito's Vodka with Red Grapefruit Juice as the "official mixed drink of the 84th Legislative Session." The resolution provides a good history of the classic Greyhound Cocktail. With the close of the Regular Session, we can sing quietly to ourselves, "Thank God and Greyhounds, they are gone."

A Switch for Switchblade Enthusiasts in Texas

Miniature switchblade necklace, $39.99

The 83rd Texas Legislature passed House Bill 1862 which decriminalizes the possession, manufacture, repairing, transporting, and selling of switchblade knives. In a sober moment, the Legislature refrained from decriminalizing brass knuckles and "tire deflation devices."

Texas Cities are No Sancutary Says Senate

The New "Combover Colossus" silently says [with finger pointed to the sky], "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free [except for persons of brown skin]... I lift my lamp beside your green card before I let you enter Texas's doors."

This morning the Texas Senate passed Senate Bill 9, the Sanctuary Bill, which would cut off state funding to cities which prohibit local police from inquiring about a person's immigration status.

Texas Gets Its Grove On

By a Concurrent Resolution of the House and Senate, Texas has adopted Western Texas Swing as the official dance moves of the Lone Star State.  

In other news, House Bill 716 seeks to protect the right of ranchers to hunt hogs and coyotes by helicopter. Unbeknownst to me, feral hog hunting by helicopter is an active sport/business in South Texas.  

Before the Edge - Catch, Jimmy

Since we are on the topic of Comedy, I thought I would troll the Texas Legislature for recently proposed Bills. I doubt there will ever be anything as humorous as the Bill proposing a ban on lewd cheerleading, but I can hope.  (Note:  I of course think lewd cheerleading should be discouraged... my amusement was picturing the legislative committee renting a bus to travel Texas and research lewd cheerleading.) Today has come close with the Report on HB 824, a Bill seeking "to promote fathers' involvement with their children before birth." I suspect that they mean before the birth of the child... not the father. Prenatal-patriarchy should also be encouraged.  Here are some suggested activities in which a father and his unborn child could engage (traditional father/child activities don't conjure a pleasant image):

• Reading
• Singing
• Going to the zoo
• Bugging mom
• Charades
• Watching football
• Not doing the dishes
• Pantomime 
• Sleeping on the couch
• Modern Dance - Martha Gramm

Now that I think about it, there is probably a dearth of prenatal-parenting-legislation. What other legislation do we need?

In Honor of Guns & Gin

A quick review of activity at the Texas Capitol has revealed an additional bill seeking to allow concealed handguns on college campuses: HB 2178.  That makes at least 6 bills awaiting vote and ratification on the issue of arming college students.  In another bill related to college life, the Texas House enrolled HR34 recognizing the 75th anniversary of the repeal of prohibition in Texas.  Although the 21st Amendment to the US Constitution ended prohibition in 1933 at the federal level, Texas did repeal its constitutional ban on alcohol until 1935.  As a compromise, the Texas adopted a policy of letting local authorities determine whether to be "dry" or "wet."  HR34 also honors the 75th anniversary of the TABC, the bane of underage college students across the state.

Medieval Style, continued

Keeping with the theme of doing it Medieval style, I could tell you about my research on Medieval consumer protection laws or I could discuss recent activity of the Texas Legislature.  ... hmm...

The Texas Legislature it shall be.  

The big news from the Texas Legislature thus far in the session is that it is NOT the Wisconsin Legislature, although the tactics of the Senate Democrats seems very familiar.  If I were on the (political) lam, I would rather spend the time in Chicago than Ardmore.  The other news out of Austin is that no less than 5 bills have been introduced seeking to make it legal to carry a concealed handgun onto a university campus.  The enthusiasm for this legislation makes it seem like Texas college students are currently under siege by hoodlums and crazed colleagues.  At Baylor, I have not personally seen any need to be packing heat.  I wonder if being armed or knowing that a student is armed would significantly change the classroom dynamic.  No longer will I wake a sleeping student by dropping a large book on his desk.

Revisiting HJR 93

I feared that I dismissed HJR 93 too quickly.  To say that a proposed constitutional amendment is a dead in the water requires knowing what has to be achieved to change document.  Thus I spent some quality research time with "Wiki Answer" or some similar website.  This does bring flashbacks to the day in law school when a fellow student was caught redhanded using Wikipedia to introduce a case.  the horror, the horror.  The prof. was right to yell, scream, and kick the student out.  A judge may take judicial notice of  Wikipedia, but it is not yet binding precedent in Texas law.  Yesterday while researching the Miller Act, I briefly paused on the Wiki entry.  I learned from the mistakes I observed in school.  I closed the door to my office to make sure no one was watching. 

Back to changing the constitution.  The amendment process set forth in Article 17 of the Texas Constitution is a good alternative to violent revolution or writing your own, personal constitution (like my great-uncle Nalle).  The proposed amendment must be raised as a Joint Resolution.  HJR 93 is off to a good start assuming that there was companion resolution in the Senate.  Next, both the House and Senate must approve the submission of the amendment by a 2/3 majority.  Then, the amendment is submitted to the voters of Texas where is must receive a simple majority of the votes to become part of the Texas Constitution.

Moving Fast

Of the many activities of the Texas Legislature today, House Bill 1353 was introduced.  HB "High Speed" proposes to change the highway speed limit from 70 to 75.  The best part is that there would no longer be a day/night speed distinction.  Whether driving to work or driving home after the bars close, drive 75.  Despite my mocking of this, I actually like the idea of removing a distinction between day and night speeds.  Doing so would solve the mystery of what speed to drive at dusk and dawn.

On the slower side of things, House Joint Resolution 93 will unlikely make another move.  HJR "Reduce Gov. Spending" proposes an amendment to the Texas Constitution to exempt residential property from ad valorem taxation.  A great idea except for that funding of schools-firedepartments-hospitaldistricts thing.

I watch the Daily Show for my comedy-fix, but I am learning that the Texas Legislature Daily Report can be equally entertaining.